Chop Chop Choke Joke

A north London council has apologised after a woman was refused the loan of 1p coin because she might "try and mix it into a small cake and offer it to a member of staff who may then choke to death on it."

Harmony Bunting, 26, a self-employed breadmaker, was turned down at Holborn Library in central London.

She said: "It's ridiculous - public libraries are supposed to be supportive of small businesses."

A spokeswoman for Camden Council, which runs the library, has apologised and said it would investigate the incident, but really just said that to throw off any further enquires from "those meddling kids at the press."

Ms Bunting, from Brick Lane, said: "I asked why I couldn't borrow a penny, and she said it was small and it might choke on her if I 'mistook it for an ingedient and put it in a cake'.

"I then asked to borrow a guillotine to cut up my leaflets but she refused again - because she said I could hit her over the head with it!"

"I then asked to borrow a pencil, but she said 'it has a pointy tip, you might stab me'."

"I then asked to borrow a book, and she said the edges of the paper were sharp and I might 'try to decapitate me'."

"I then asked to be shown the front door, but she refused saying I might 'in fact be the Incredible Hulk and be preparing to rip the door from its hinges and throw it at me'."

The businesswoman then visited another three libraries in north London but her request was rejected in each of them.

A spokeswoman for the Health and Safety Executive said there was no policy in place on lending sharp implements.

"People know their own workplaces and must carry out their own risk assessments; but we do ask workplaces to take a common sense approach.

"This could be a case of someone misinterpreting the rules. Or maybe the case of someone clearly not reading them in the first place."

A Camden Council spokeswoman said: "We are sorry we have not reached our usual high standards. We will investigate fully as soon as possible. First of all though, we have to go through a very lengthy, costly and pointless investigation on how Ann from Finance managed to grow a pumpkin that looks like a man's private parts! Hee!"

Camden Council is currently trying to initiate a drive to force all small businesses in the area to close down and sell their properties to supermarket behemoth Tesco, in an effort to have the retailer reward the council with 'Free Books For Your Library' vouchers.

Sticky Fingers

Back in the ol' Stickernation days, Chaff was quite prevelant in decorating some highway furniture in and around the Midlands of the United Kingdom.

Here is a link to some pictures of said wallpapering. Enjoy!

Chaff Stickers of Ye Olde Past

He's Got The Key

Porky